The WRITE-UP - My thoughts while creating this image|

I. Am. the Queen of Hearts...

Or at least that’s who I catch myself imagining to be — not on some Alice in Wonderland type shit, but the deep down, depending on facebook-land to suffice this vice that I have type shit.

Like, am I creating for me, or for you to like me?

Creating self portraits is, at its core, a time for self reflection. We have, as people, and as a society, lost what that really means —

Self.
Reflection.

By definition, self reflection is to have serious thought about one's character and actions. Yet, most of us don’t take the time to really reflect until someone else is holding up the mirror.

Instead, we take a selfie and scream “SELF LOVE”, when what we really want is their love.

Those hearts on social media that somehow translate, in our minds, to acceptance and adoration from people we have never, and will never, meet in real life.

We call ourself “ QUEEN!” when what we really desire is to be the Queen of Hearts.

The most “loved”.
The most “followed”.

It’s time I take at least a few moments for some personal self reflection — even if, by posting this, I’ll likely succumb to the very thing I’m currently criticizing...again.

Because, you see, it’s a bit of an addiction...at least it is for me.

One that, while I know it’s a detriment to my psyche, still has a hold on my ability to sensibly navigate the source of my SELF esteem.

I know it’s bad for me, but it’s a habit that’s easy to ignore.

I spend hours of my time just to create art that is mine.

Only to then find every excuse to get on and stay on—line.

Posting. Sharing. Refreshing.
Checking and rechecking.
Hoping to see more “love”.

When it comes, or when it doesn’t, so goes my feelings of self worth. Like a receding tide or massive tsunami; less hearts drain the ego, while a flood of them fills me with a sense of pride.

I’ve been told that when you let other people tell you what to think about yourself, you lose. And I am certainly guilty of unconsciously losing almost... Every. Single. Day.

So, at least for today, I‘ll say FUCK ALL THIS! I don’t need you to love me to love me…but don’t forget to heart me.
After all, you are looking at the Queen of Hearts.

BTS makeup

bts of the session

bts - editing

So, I cheated a little bit and actually created the overlay I was going to use yesterday to cut down on editing time today.
The overlay flowers are from Bellevue Avenue and the cards one I made myself after sticking some cards together with stickers (because my kids use all the tape) and taking that photo and removing the background. I used the shape of the IG heart to play on the feelings that went with creating this image.
I hope you enjoy watching the rest of the process.

(sorry if the quality of this on is weird. I kept having technical difficulties exporting the video and had to record my screen of the video instead)